The Art of Effectively Communicating with a Cyber Predator 3: Example of a Matching Conversation

To make the presentation more vivid, Janice Niederhofer now provides a demo of the conversation with a cyber predator, demonstrating the art of matching.

Let’s move on. Conversely, if you want to decrease rapport, you can deliberately mismatch. We’ve been matching the cyber predator’s communication and all the different elements up to this point. Now, if you want to break the rapport, you can mismatch their words, their writing style, their symbols – their anything.

Why would you want to mismatch a cyber predator? Well, here is an example; not limited to though. Let’s say you’re leading that cyber predator to apprehend him, you’re moving him out, you’re getting him out in the open, and you’re getting close. And all of a sudden he starts moving in a different direction, he’s barking up the wrong tree. Then you just simply mismatch, instead of saying: “Listen, I don’t want to do that” – for example, straight up, now you broke rapport, massively. Well, I don’t want to backtrack that far, I don’t want to get my feet in cement. I want to move forward quickly, so I will speak to his unconscious part, the 99%, and I’ll tell the cyber predator by mismatching a keyword, mismatching visual – if he’s visual, I’ll do auditory; I will mismatch certain parts of his communication – doesn’t really matter what, to let the unconscious mind know: bad boy, bad boy, you’re going the wrong direction. Then you come right back and you begin to build rapport again and lead him where you want him to go. It’s a pristine tool, don’t forget about that.

Cyber predator’s phrases to match

Cyber predator’s phrases to match

Now I’m going to give you a very distinct example to pull in – the symbols, languaging, VAK. I’m going to be looking at the screen so I can read this with you (see image). “Good morning” with a smiling face on top would be the predator. The communication on top is the cyber predator; the communication below would be you communicating to your cyber predator. Now, the opening: “Good morning” with a smiling face.

Response – exactly the same; match it. Now, if you noticed, there’s no space between “Good morning” and the first sentence with the cyber predator – match it, this is the flow of the conversation. Don’t put a space there, match it, remember that you’re dealing with this unconscious critter brain.

Now, the cyber predator says: “I enjoyed our conversation yesterday”, and you’re going to reply something close to this: “I too enjoyed (keyword) our conversation (keyword).”

And now we’re going to combine the sentences, so go back up to the cyber predator, and the second sentence is: “I was feeling really down.”

Now you combine both sentences, no problem with that; but you’re matching him massively, very distinctly and skillfully, and you say: “I too enjoyed our conversation, and sorry you were feeling down.” See the emotion? Completely matching it.

Now he feels like you’re singing the same song. Then he says: “Thanks for being a good friend.” And then she says: “Glad I could help, that’s what friends are for.” She’s acknowledging the friendship. Now he thinks he really has her hooked.

There is a space between the first and second paragraph; you do the same. Just match the way the communication is visually written on the correspondence.

Now he says: “It would really support me if I could get a quick peek at that email we spoke about.” And she says: “I would really like to support you (match the word Support). Can you give me an idea of which email you want a peek at.” She didn’t say anything like: “What correspondence do you want to read?” That’s a complete mismatch. She completely matches him and stays in his world.

By the way, this is a corporation. Two different corporations: a cyber predator is in one corporation, because there is that type of cyber predators out there; and she’s in another corporation, and he’s trying to get ideas from her, from the inside. So he’s trying to break confidentiality, that’s what’s going on here.

Now, the last sentence. He says: “The future looks bright, thank you.” And she says: “Good to know your future looks bright”, completely matches him. And he signs off: “You’re the best!” And you’re going to do the same. It doesn’t have to be identical, but look how close it is: “All the best.” And then no space, and sign off.

Even if you just look at this correspondence, it just looks the same, and it flows exactly the same, and it ties in the symbols, keywords; the guy is very visual and kinesthetic, and you just respond to him in visual-kinesthetic words, and it’s identical.

Successful rapport due to matching

Successful rapport due to matching

So, what you’ve accomplished, the summary, is this: you’ve accomplished building rapport with the cyber predator by getting into his world, very strategically, skillfully, and it’s so simple to do. And when you do this, the guy then feels totally safe, he lowers his resistance, out he comes, and you can start doing whatever you want with him: you can discover him, you can bring him out in the open, you can pretty much do whatever you want with this guy. So, there you go.

Thank you for your time today, it was great fun for me and I hope it was great fun for you. If there’s anything I could ever do to support you, just find me. Thank you!

Read previous: The Art of Effectively Communicating with a Cyber Predator 2: Building Rapport with the Scammer

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