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I will kill you 3: Workflow of a virtual kill

Becoming a funeral director, registering a fake death online and then getting access to someone’s funds are perfectly feasible tasks, Chris Rock argues.

The wannabe funeral director

The wannabe funeral director

Instead of doing the fraudulent case of a funeral director, I actually thought it would be fun to find out how to become a funeral director myself (see right-hand image). I always had this interest in the death industry. So, I set up a website, the name of my company and just “funerals” at the end of it, stuck up some caskets and some flowers (see leftmost image below). And then I applied online to become a funeral director (see middle image below). Three days later, I got an automated response that I was a funeral director (see rightmost image below).

The rogue website

The rogue website

Online registration form

Online registration form

Email response

Email response


 

Fun director criteria

Fun director criteria

Here’s some research on becoming a funeral director in the U.S. (see left-hand image). In California, for example, you need an Arts degree. In Colorado, you need nothing. In Nevada, you’ll need 375 bucks and an exam. And one thing, you’ll need to use EDRS for death registration. The reason is, if you want to commit insurance fraud,
The UK peculiarities

The UK peculiarities

it’s easier if there’s a tombstone sticking out of the ground, so you’ll get that death insurance policy if there’s an audit. In the UK, there’s no licensing requirement (see right-hand image), so it’s just as easy to kill somebody off in the UK.

Death registration flowchart

Death registration flowchart

So, that completes the two parts of fraud to get the Death Certificate. Once those documents are complete, the Registry then just issues the Death Certificate. Then they’ll send that certificate to the next of kin (see left-hand image). And you might ask: “How am I going to get that Death Certificate if I kill somebody off?” You’re filling out the form, you can put anyone you want as next of kin. I know it’s not in good spirit to kill the host, but there’s the Death Certificate of Jeff Moss (see right-hand image).
'Killing off' Jeff Moss

‘Killing off’ Jeff Moss

He doesn’t know he’s dead, he’s walking around, but on paper he’s dead. Now there’s going to be a problem for him when he travels, and it’s just a general pain in the ass. Okay, Jeff is dead, that was fun. I know Jeff has got a lot of money, so I want some of it.

Probate petition

Probate petition

What do we need to do now? I have a Death Certificate. I’ll fill out a will online. Now, to be recognized as an executor of a will, you need to do something called “probate petition” (see left-hand image). That’s saying to the court I have a Death Certificate, I have a will, I want access to Jeff’s accounts. It’s just the document you are sending to the court to say that you have the right to shut this person down. You then use accompanying letters just like what I’ve just put up there. It’s just a standard template on a free website, where I’m writing to the bank to say “Shutting down”. The bank then will give me access to the money.

It’s all moving online

It’s all moving online

A normal executor of a will would do what they are supposed to do – they’ll shut the victim down, so they’ll pay out the debts, give the money to the next of kin and stuff. But if you want to do it maliciously, you just take all the money and run. Of course, that system is now moving online as well (see right-hand image). You can now do a petition for probate online. The beauty of that is it’s completely remote and you don’t have to go to court.

Why do it?

Why do it?

Okay, why would you want to kill somebody? Financial – killing yourself if you want to enjoy your life insurance money while you’re alive (see left-hand image). The other one is kill your parents. Parents are not dying as quick as they used to, and they are handing out money very slowly. Better off killing them taking their funds and do a runner. Revenge – revenge on your ex-wife/girlfriend/partner. The beauty is they are dead and they don’t even know it. Down shut their bank accounts down; when they go get a new password or a new license – oops. Kill your boss if he’s an asshole.

Hinder – if you are under investigation. Dead people find it difficult to travel. If you are also committing this sort of crime against somebody, they are more interested in protecting their own lives in terms of getting their financial history intact than chasing you. Kill your opposing lawyer or the judge.

Legal hurdles

Legal hurdles

Okay, this is a bit of a problem for the law, because the law is not really ready for this stuff here (see right-hand image). There’s a case in 2013, where a legally dead man must stay dead even though he’s alive. Donald Miller was declared dead in 1994 after he skipped out on his family. He was declared dead after missing for five years. Obviously, his wife wanted to move on – he’s not coming home. Now the 61-year-old has come back, he wants to be reinstated. The judge said “Too late,” setting a three-year window to bring him back to life. The Judge said “Even though you’re sitting in my courtroom in front of me and, obviously, you’re alive, there’s nothing I can do, you’re dead.” So you heard of someone being stateless – this one is bodiless.

Demo of a virtual kill

I put a video together of my first kill (watch demo above). It wasn’t a clean kill. It’s a bit like Dexter Morgan and Harry, I didn’t have Harry in the back of my head saying “You’ve got to kill in a certain way.” This is an Australian-based kill.
 

Read previous: I will kill you. Part 2: Accessing EDRS

Read next: I will kill you 4: Creating the Shelf baby

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